


Worthy of More

by Seraph_Novak



Series: Destiel One-Shots [30]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Castiel in the Bunker, Christmas, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Husbands, Lazy Mornings, M/M, One Shot, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Season/Series 13, Sappy, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 17:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13012374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seraph_Novak/pseuds/Seraph_Novak
Summary: Dean is in love. Dean ishappy. Happier than he's been in a long time. But he's still working through some issues. A part of him still doesn't believe he's worthy of the family he's been granted, which is why the idea of celebrating Christmas with the people he loves is such a terrifying concept to him.But at least he has Cas to convince him of his worth... Fluffy Christmas one-shot.





	Worthy of More

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I suddenly realized this weekend how close Christmas actually is... And considering it sometimes takes me a couple of weeks to write something semi-decent, I thought I better get a head start! This isn't _that_ Christmassy, but I may write a follow-up if I find the time.
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are very much appreciated! Thanks for reading :) ♥

"First Christmas as a couple," Dean whispered, hooking his chin over Cas' bare shoulder. They were basking in the afterglow of a Sunday morning fuck (or, as Cas would prefer to call it, a blissful two hours of love-making) with the sheets tossed lazily over their twisted legs. There was absolutely no reason to get out of bed - no hunts, no drama, no _nothing_ \- and Dean intended to lie here with the angel until they were both on the brink of starvation. Not even the rich, buttery smell of pancakes wafting from the kitchen was enough to tear him away from this perfect little nest of domesticity.

Cas turned his head to bump their noses together, then hummed. "We should try and make it special, put a little effort in."

"What? You wanna cook a turkey dinner, decorate a fricking tree...  All that jazz?"

"Yes. I think it could be fun."

"I dunno, man," Dean snorted, dragging his nose along Cas' prickly cheeks. "Last time we celebrated Christmas, I had me a first class ticket to Hell. It's kind of a sore subject, ya know?"

Cas found his hands beneath the sheets and locked their fingers together. "You're safe now," he murmured softly, pressing his lips against Dean's calloused knuckles. "You deserve a little normalcy, Dean."

"I've got that with you."

"I'm not enough," Cas said, then hastily added before Dean could protest, "I mean, there's so much more you deserve on top of this. A family, a real home, a real _marriage_... I know those things aren't possible for us, but we can still do this, Dean. We can pretend, just for one day, that we're like everybody else."

Dean grunted, despite the flutter in his stomach. "Who wants to be like everybody else? I mean, I know we're screwed up, but we're not _that_ bad, right?"

"We're great," Cas squeezed his hand, a hint of a smile touching his chapped lips. "But I would love nothing more than to see you and Sam take some well deserved time off. Jack, too. After everything we've been through these past couple of years, Dean, I just... I want to see you happy. _Really_ happy."

"I am," Dean said, tracing the curve of Cas' jawline with the pad of his thumb. Every time they lay in bed like this, with the door slammed shut against all the nasty shit roaming the streets outside, Dean came to appreciate his relationship with the angel a little bit more. He felt safe in Cas' arms. He felt _loved_. And if that wasn't happiness in its purest form, then what the hell was?

Cas huffed a laugh. "I believe you're getting sappy in your old age, Dean."

"Says the guy who's a gazillion years old."

"With age comes wisdom," Cas lifted a challenging eyebrow. It was such a dominant gesture, the kind that made Dean feel hot all over. He was so tempted to smother Cas' blind optimism with the taste of his lips, but disrupting Cas was never a good call, especially when he was looking at Dean with that stoic, angelic expression. He was about to say something deep, and Dean knew better than to deflect the serious stuff with his usual goofiness. They were long past that tired routine of emotional constipation.

"Alright, alright," he sat up against the headboard, allowing Cas to pillow his head against Dean's lap. "Convince me."

"Really?"

"Mhm. Try and change my mind about the stinking holiday. Go on."

Cas rolled his eyes fondly, then buried his face in the softness of Dean's stomach. Dean couldn't resist winding his fingers in the angel's hair, gently brushing through the dark waves as Cas began to speak.

"I've watched the old Christmas traditions evolve time and time again over the years," Cas told him softly. "But one thing that always remains the same around this time of year is the dedication humans show towards their family and friends. They're reminded of all that's good in the world, and they choose to celebrate it, if only for a few hours."

Dean nodded, even though Cas' eyes were focused on the patterns he was drawing against Dean's skin with his fingertips.

"I know we don't talk much in this family - it's something I've come to understand and respect during my time with you and Sam - but I think it would be nice to be open for once, to just embrace the way we feel about each other and channel it into something good. Too much of our lives are based on tragedy." Cas slowed his fingers, eyes closing against the painful memories of all the crappy times they'd been through recently. "The idea of just sitting down by a meaningless tree, with a meaningless turkey, listening to meaningless music, just seems so... _simple_. Just imagine it, Dean. Throwing all responsibility out the window for one day."

"Seems careless," Dean muttered. He swallowed thickly, then added, "But it sounds kinda nice as well, I ain't gonna lie."

"You don't have to feel guilty for taking some time off."

"Yeah, I do, Cas. You know I do."

"Yes, I know," Cas kissed the spot above Dean's belly button, sending a surge of warmth through his veins. Dean wrapped an arm around the angel's waist and pulled him closer, until their heartbeats were aligned. "I just wish you didn't have to worry about such things."

Dean gave him a lopsided smile. "I wish you didn't have to wish that."

"Well, there _is_ a way to grant both of our wishes."

"You really think throwing some tinsel on a plastic tree is gonna solve all our problems, huh?"

"At least for one day," Cas looked up at him beneath dark lashes and shrugged. "Perhaps one day is enough."

Dean was silent for a moment, his attention fixed solely on the eyes of the man he'd reluctantly grown to love staring back at him. It was stupid to be terrified of something so normal and simple, especially after all the tough shit they'd been through together. They'd literally fought through Heaven and Hell and Purgatory, against angels and demons and God knows what else... So why did acting like a regular, boring couple for one fricking day seem so impossible to him? They were Dean and Cas, for fuck's sake. The couple that struck fear into the hearts of the world's most notorious monsters. And yet, the idea of celebrating Christmas with this small, dysfunctional family they'd built together was more intimidating than any big bad they'd faced over the years.

He was struggling to come up with a valid reason for turning Cas down. Maybe a part of him still didn't think he deserved this kind of love; the ugly, dark fog of self-loathing he'd worked so hard to squash down since finally surrendering to his feelings for Cas. Or maybe he was worried about letting his guard down, even for just a second, in case some ancient evil decided to jump out the shadows and snatch Cas away from him again. Maybe the mere thought that he and Sam had made it - that they'd managed to find happiness in this messed up world of theirs - was too overwhelming to comprehend.

Maybe all of these excuses were bullshit. They _definitely_ were.

"Alright," he said, his voice a muffled croak against the top of Cas' hair. "Alright, yeah. Let's do it."

"Are you sure?"

"You wanna change my mind again?"

"No, I just... I'm pleasantly surprised."

"Yeah, well," Dean licked his lips. He was never comfortable with talking about his feelings, but there were some things that couldn't be left unsaid. "You're right, about the whole family thing. And deserving a day off... And, you know, I love you, so I wanna make you happy."

Cas beamed up at him. "You don't use that word lightly."

"Don't make such a song and dance about it, geez."

"You're blushing."

"Shaddup."

Cas chuckled. "You know I love you too, right?"

"You tell me every single day, you dork."

"I like reminding you."

Dean allowed himself a smile, though his cheeks were still burning. "I like being reminded."

An excited chorus of rapping knuckles on the door interrupted their lovey-dovey staring session, followed by Jack's impatient exclamation of, "Pancakes!"

Dean and Cas pressed their foreheads together and chuckled. That kid sure was a ball of energy in the mornings. Normally, it would've pissed him off, seeing as he hadn't had his regular dose of caffeine yet, but today, it just made him smile. Jack was a part of their family, the closest thing he and Cas had ever had to a son. It had taken some time - Cas' resurrection included - but Dean had grown to love the Nephilim almost as fiercely as his own brother. It's funny how stuff like that happens sometimes, how the best things in your life rarely come with a warning. Hell, if anyone had told him ten years ago that the freaky angel in the trenchcoat he'd just _stabbed_ would turn out to be the love of his fucking life, he would've laughed in their faces.

But maybe it was better that way. Maybe it was the not knowing that made it special.

"You wanna run down to the store after breakfast?" he asked Cas, heart clenching at the gorgeous smile slowly spreading across the angel's face. "We can pick up some stuff. A few decorations, some ingredients, I dunno…"

Cas pressed a feather light kiss to the corner of his mouth and sighed. "I'm sorry, but I have to remind you again."

Dean grinned. "Go on then."

"I love you, Dean Winchester."

Dean ducked his head, suddenly bashful. Cas always used his full name when he was really trying to convince him. Because, yeah, Dean was still a paranoid sonofabitch who sometimes needed convincing that Castiel - the angel who pulled him from Hell, who turned his back on Heaven for him, who fought through Purgatory by his side, who never once stopped believing in his worth - actually loved him. It was stupid and sad, but Cas never gave up. And Dean was okay with that. It was a tiresome, messy game at times, but Dean was hopeful that Cas would eventually win, that he could someday love and _be_ loved without constantly questioning why someone as perfect as Cas would ever pick someone like him. It was an uphill battle, but they were getting there. Slowly but surely, Dean was learning that there were somethings he deserved, and Cas was one of them.

"I love you, Castiel Winchester," he said with a teasing smile, but his words were still genuine. Cas knew that better than anyone.

Cas kissed his temple and rolled over, holding out his hand. "Come on," he whispered. "We don't want all the best decorations to sell out before we get there."

"We ain't spending a fortune on plastic crap. You know that, right?"

"We'll see."

"And I'm picking the food."

"Of course."

"And _you're_ going on top of the tree."

Cas whacked him on the arm, his eyes glittering with mirth. "You're insufferable."

"So I've been told."

"Get up and get dressed," Cas leaned over the bed to drop one last kiss on the tip of his chin. "I'll make you some coffee."

Dean watched him leave with a goofy smile stretching his cheeks. It was pretty impossible _not_ to smile nowadays. Sam was happy dating a pretty little hunter they'd met in Colorado last year, Jack was finally getting to grips with his powers and using them for good, and Cas was, well… Cas was Cas. What else was there to say?

Life was great. Screwed up, but great.  


End file.
